Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts of the spiritual life. It does not mean justifying or condoning harmful actions. It is a process, therefore it can go through many stages in dealing with the hurt when deeply wounded by one’s spouse. It cannot be forced or artificial. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily have to be verbalised to the person, because  what is needed to heal the hurt is between you and God.

It mustn’t be confused with reconciliation, since this can only occur when the spouse recognises what has been done and has made amends. It is usually a break in trust between the marriage partners.  In the event one needs to ask God, what can I do to protect myself from similar hurt in the future?

A problem for men is fear of abandonment; a problem for men is fear of failure. We have explored this in our book.

Lack of forgiveness blocks God’s blessings and grace. Reconciliation can only occur when your spouse acknowledges what has been done. We must always remember that Jesus took all this up on His cross. So we take the hurt and look for the grace to forgive. This act is mostly for our own benefit so we might be freed from the burden of unforgiveness.

On a lighter note, lack of forgiving is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die!